once in a lifetime.

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

-Bob Marley.

totoro.

Ever got those random depressing moments?
You know, the kind you get when everyone is having a good time around you, and suddenly you just freeze and realize how miserable you are.
At times I wonder, "aren't I supposed to be happy?", I have everything I've ever wished for and more in the palm of my hands.
Some people tell me that it's perfectly normal, and some tell me to stop being pathetic and move on.
Well I have moved on, but don't they get the fact it's always going to hurt in someway?
'Cause in the end, it just hurts all the same, no?
 
I want to smile, I want to laugh. He's been pulling me down for way too long and I know now that it's time to let go of him completely. It's time I stop worrying about him and his precious little life; it's time I put myself first for a change. It's time I treat myself right and leave behind those who don't. It's time I dig myself out of this hole and start all over again with someone who just might be willing to give me the chance that he never did.

And that someone is my Totoro (:

I know, the picture quality is really bad, and it's grey and bla bla bla.
Too bad it's the only picture I have for now lol.

Thank you for being there when I really needed a shoulder to cry on.
Thank you for making me see the better things in life.
Thank you for loving me. ♥

center of their universe.

At some point, you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone and walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw a line between determination and desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what isn’t, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

So wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to become a better person. Wait for the person who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything just to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile, you know they need you. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a t-shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them. And most of all wait for the person who will put you at the center of their universe, because that's where you belong.

goodbye summer.

It is said that "you'll never leave where you are, until you decide where you'd rather be."
I couldn't agree more.
It's hard to move on when you have nowhere to go.

Life is full of surprises.
The best things come when you least expect it.
All you need is a little company.
When you find yourself surrounded by friends and laughing until your stomach aches, you'll realize how lucky you are.
I know I did.

This summer is approaching it's end... and there's absolutely no way I'm looking forward to that.
Even though I spent three quarters of the summer being depressed, the last quarter made it all worth the wait, the pain and the misery.

on the right track.

Today was the first day of my third semester.
I was really tired, because I barely slept at all.
For some reason, school stresses me a lot... and when it comes to exams, my mind goes on crazy mode and I get a maximum of two hours of sleep.
Maybe I should start meditating or something.. haha!

Apart from school... life has been treating me well these past days.
Two and a half months ago, I was a total disaster. & less than three weeks ago, I was still a pretty bad mess.
There's a lot more to look forward to in life.
It might seem like you'll never get better... but one day you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. I promise.
I can honestly say that where I stand right now is where I want to be.

Because he has been a major part of your life, of course you'll miss him, it's perfectly normal. It's like getting your tooth pulled out. After the dentist pulls it out, you're relieved, but how many times does your tongue run itself over the spot where it used to be? Probably countless times a day... Just because it wasn't hurting you, doesn't mean you didn't notice it. It leaves a gap and sometimes you find yourself missing it terribly. It's going to take a while, it takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth out was the right decision, but it's going to hurt.
So no matter how awful it hurts and how bad your life sucks at times, remember that things happen for a reason.
I can't say that I'm perfectly reestablished myself... but I'm getting there... and I'm almost there (:

messy.

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy, a world of roses, laughs, happiness & perfect moments, you find only in the movies and novels. You expect him to always say the right thing and always know how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect him to calm you down when you're yelling or chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely and utterly defeated when something doesn't match up to your plans. But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning, it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens, and it's incredibly messy.

update on the monster.

She's the cutest ball of fur. That's all I can say.